


The Two Saddest Words

by nosmokingpistol



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Gen, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-26
Updated: 2018-01-26
Packaged: 2019-03-09 17:49:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13486635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nosmokingpistol/pseuds/nosmokingpistol
Summary: “If only—those must be the two saddest words in the world.”  Mercedes Lackey, American author





	The Two Saddest Words

“I still don’t see why we’re making all this fuss.” Amy beat the cake batter with renewed vigor. “I mean if he can come back to life over and over again, why didn’t he come and save you the last time? He could have gone into that chamber instead of you, Doctor. Some friend. This Captain of yours sounds like a coward if you ask me.” She sniffed the batter and went searching through the cupboard for vanilla extract.

“It’s more complicated than that Amy. For one thing, he didn’t know what was happening on Earth, he was off in the Ion Reefs. Cold fusion cruisers can’t pick up signals over twelve parsecs.” The Doctor reached over her shoulder and brought out a small vial from the back of the shelf. “Use this. Jack likes almond.” He leaned back against the counter and crossed his arms, studying the floor. When he spoke again he voice was barely audible. “If anyone was a coward it was me. Still am.”

“Yeah, right!” Amy snorted at the thought. “Mister Let’s Save The Universe—Again! I bet if it had been the other way around you would have come running, right? You would have found a way to help him when he needed you most and—“ She turned in time to see the Doctor quickly wiping a tear away. She set the bowl and spoon down and walked over to him, gently placing one hand on his chin and lifting his head. “Doctor?”

“Yes Pond?”

“Tell me what’s going on in that big head of yours.” His eyes suddenly looked older than she’d ever seen, his face infinitely sad. He pulled her close and embraced her. She held him tightly until he pulled back and placed his forehead against hers. He closed his eyes and spoke quietly.

“Amy. Oh, Amy, I was the worst kind of coward. The 456 were coming, and I knew it. I could have stopped it and instead I ran away.”

“Why?” Amy felt her voice waver and she took a deep breath, exhaling slowly. “What were you so afraid of?”

“Dying. I’d been told I was going to die. I read all of the timelines. No matter what I did I would have died if I’d gotten involved. The end, no regeneration.” The Doctor backed away, and leaned against the counter again. “It’s funny, I’ve been ready to die so many times for a cause, or a world, or a single solitary life. There were times, Amy—oh, there were times I think I would have welcomed death. But when Jack needed me the most, I ran away. Abandoned him, again. He had to do the most terrible thing, the most terrible, terrible thing.” The Doctor raked his fingers through his hair. “He didn’t deserve that. If only I could go back. Oh, Amy, if only I could.”

“But you would have died, Doctor. Whatever it was he had to do—would it really be worth dying to stop it?” The Doctor smiled at that, a smile that she had never seen before, on him. He chuckled softly and his eyes brightened just a bit.

“Let me tell you about Captain Jack Harkness! Ha ha, old Jacky-boy! Do you know, he once rode off in a rocket with a live bomb inside? Fought off a roomful of Daleks with a pistol! And that was before he was-" The sadness was suddenly back, behind the eyes. “Well. That was before. He took the slow path for over a hundred years just to find me again, and then rode the TARDIS to the end of the Universe to catch me when I ran away from him.” The Doctor fiddled with the buttons on his jacket and looked away, unable to meet Amy’s direct gaze.

“I told him he was wrong, Amy. Called him an impossible thing. A thing! I told him it hurt me to look at him, and do you know what he did? He saved me, and then he saved the world. Got himself tortured to death every day for a year, when he could have escaped. He didn’t run away. He’s never run away, not from any of it. Billions of years from now, he’ll still be saving worlds.” The Doctor smiled sadly and looked back at Amy.

Amy smiled and quirked an eyebrow at him. “He sounds like some kind of hero.”

The Doctor laughed. “Oh, Pond, he is a hero. He’s my hero. He’s brave and wonderful and yes, if only I could I would go back. I would never run away from him, I would never abandon him. And if I had to die for him, if I had to die to save him from doing what he did, I would. He’s worth dying for.”

Amy returned to her batter, poking at it with the large wooden spoon. “So…when are you going to tell him that?”

“Oh. Well. I suppose I’ve never been good at that sort of discussion. Bit repressed, you know, the whole Time Lord thing!” He laughed. “It’s easier to defend someone behind their back than tell them to their face how you feel about them. I wonder why that is, Pond?” The Doctor reached over and fingered up a taste of batter. “More almond extract.”

“Hand it over.” She shook a few more drops in and resumed stirring. “I think you should tell him. He wouldn’t have tracked you down if he didn’t want to see you, right? And then he just happens to mention he’s broken up with Allegro—“

“Alonso.”

“Whatever. Hand me the cake pans. This is your chance, Doctor. Don’t run away again! You need to figure out how you really feel, and tell him. This could be the start of something!”

The Doctor threw his head back and laughed. “Oh, Amy. If I ever really get in touch with my feelings, watch out! I think the Universe might end!”

********

The Doctor walked into the kitchen to find Jack already there. Rory looked decidedly uncomfortable and Amy was smiling broadly at the handsome Captain. “Nice to meet you, Rory. And who are you, Red? Where have you been all my life?”

“Oh, don’t start!” The Doctor began, and caught the look Amy shot him. “Don’t start…the party without me!” He walked over to Jack and extended his hand. “Good to see you Captain. Good to have you back in the TARDIS.”

“Good to be here.” Jack reached out to clasp the Doctor’s hand. “So. Bowtie and tweed. I like it.” He flashed one of his megawatt smiles. “Lookin’ good, Doc.” The Doctor was still blushing when they sat down to dinner.

********

Dinner had gone well. Jack had regaled them with tales of Weevils and Blowfish and scavenging for polyatomics in the Ion Reefs. The Doctor had been uncharacteristically quiet, and Amy had caught him stealing looks at the Captain a time or two. Afterwards the two men had retired to the library for a brandy leaving Amy and Rory to clear the dishes. When they had finished Amy sliced the cake and sent Rory to ask the Doctor and Jack if they’d like tea. He returned quickly, completely flummoxed.

“There’s shouting! Lots of shouting and I think I heard glass breaking! What should we do? What if the Doctor’s hurt?" He set his jaw and turned to leave. “I need to get back there and break it up.”

Amy stilled him with a hand on his shoulder. “Leave them be. They need to work it out for themselves.”

********

Some time later Amy made up two plates of cake and sent Rory off to the library again. He returned in short order, cake in hand. “Crying,” he said. “Crying and sobbing, the two of them. And then these strange little pauses, and these strange little noises…”

 _“Snogging”_ Amy thought. _“Oh I hope they’re snogging! Way to go, Doctor!”_ She took the plates from Rory and kissed his cheek. “Want some cake?”

********

The two strolled hand in hand along the winding corridor towards their bedroom. Rory pointed as they reached the library. “Look! The door’s open!” He peeked inside. “They’re gone. Wonder where they went?” Amy just smiled and gave him a tug, and they continued on their way. As they reached the Doctor’s room she paused, head tilted at the door. Rory opened his mouth to speak and she quickly brought finger to lips. They heard the sound of muffled laughter, and gasps, and moans. Rory’s eyes widened and she smiled up at him, holding him close.

“And look--the Universe is still here!”

“Hmm? What does that mean?”

Amy pulled back and took his hand again. “Nothing. Come on.” As they continued down the corridor the sound of quiet laughter followed them.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted in the Winter Companion challenge community.


End file.
